I cheerfully present the top 5 delicious and popular meals that will ensure you die a slow and painful death.
Beer and Chicken wings are without question the greatest combination in the history of the universe. The lure of the chicken wing lies in its beautiful simplicity. With martinis, the common refrain is “one is not enough, and three is too many”, but with the chicken wing, I would suggest, “one is not enough, 25, eeeh, still probably not enough.” The appeal may also be rooted in the primitive nature of tearing an animal’s flesh off the bone, or perhaps just being served by large-busted women clad in tight orange. Either way, in all their deep-fried goodness, chicken wings provide an exceptional heart-stopping friend to your beer and your cardiologist.
Eating deep-fried potatoes with congealed cheese and hot lard will momentarily slow your heart rate down to a crawl (and then forever quicken it, especially when stairs are involved), but it’s worth every agonizing minute. You really have to ask yourself how something that tastes so delectable can be so detrimental to your health, but much like an anal exam and watching Oprah, you feel much better if you don’t actually think about it.
It is often said that breakfast is the fuel for your whole day. If you order an Eggs Benedict breakfast, that “fuel” will mostly go toward powering trips to diabetes doctors and a heart specialist. Don’t be fooled by the smarty-pants-sounding name–Eggs Benedict is purely for us stupid folk, still governing our meals by taste rather than calorie count.
Stuffed Crust Double-Cheeseburger Pizza:
Also known as the “fat-bastard special,” this coronary in a cardboard box should probably come with a parental warning. “Letting your child order this pizza will probably lead to him being air-lifted out of bed on a future episode of Jerry Springer.” Pizza the Hutt himself would have had a hard time choking down one of these hot and greasy pies but I guess North America had to develop something for fat people who can’t make decisions. Even bulimics won’t touch this offering because the weight gain is so rapid they don’t have time to heave it back up.
The burger of Cuba:
Cuba is killing us slowly via burgers, LOL! Although I’ve never actually seen the burger served in Cuba (a place I’ve been to many a time), this temptress of taste is still amazing, be it traditional fare or not. I was completely snapped on tequila & lime when a close friend handed me a sandwich oozing with deliciousness. The next afternoon when I woke up, the past day/night was a blur except for one thing. That glorious concoction of cheese and meat was stuffed down my gullet in record time. I soon learned I had eaten my first Cuban burger and I can honestly say I haven’t had a better (or more dangerous) sandwich since.